Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
