alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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