Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
