I hate all girls vehemently.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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