I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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