That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
