I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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