Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
