So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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