if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
