I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
