Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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