I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
