It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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