it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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