I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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