I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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