his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
