This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
