The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
