Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
