It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
