Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
