literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
