have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
