I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
