i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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