I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
my liver is dry heaving
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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