We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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