Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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