We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
