Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
