I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
