Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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