:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
her facebook's as public as her vagina
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need a burrito and a hug.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
