hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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