they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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