I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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