we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
