It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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