My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
