it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
