Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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