i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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