I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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