I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
