Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
