tell your sister to shave her snatch
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm at about main and main street
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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