this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize