She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
