At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
