in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
