I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
