Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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