Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
