No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
