so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
