I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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