and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
