bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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