Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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