It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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