At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
