my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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