I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
