I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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