i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
