You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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